Days of Trepidation

So, the beginning of this first year in the real world was really tough for me. With my profound lack of direction, I found myself listless, and even, at times, depressed about my life's aimlessness.

In this period, one night, I decided to start writing a screenplay about what I was going through. Needless to say, it was ludicrously melodramatic. Now, looking back on it, I realize that it is truly and completely hilarious. I am posting it for you all (aka- the 2 friends who will look at this in the next year) so that you can appreciate the hilarity. Enjoy.

----------

"Days of Trepidation"
Scene 1



We first encounter our heroine, Michelle, sitting on the front steps of a middle-class house, on a middle-class street. She stares blankly ahead as if paralyzed, but suddenly lies down, and we see her from above. She is attractive, but not overtly so. She is dressed in ratty jeans that are far too large for her small frame, and a t-shirt from a concert she went to.



Michelle: Does anyone ever think about what happens to those successful, straight-A high school students? Yes, they go on to great colleges, where they learn all they can feast their minds on, meet others who were also straight-A students and did a thousand extra-curricular activities, and have plenty of less straight-laced fun. But, what happens when that day arrives that these straight-A students are no longer students? They followed the plan laid out by society: do well in high school, go to a great college, then be successful and change the world. It seems that this plan is missing many steps after going to college but before being successful enough to impact the world around you.



What do you do after you are no longer a straight-A student? What do you do when you are good at just about everything you do? How does someone decide what path to take when all paths lay at their feet? This is the overwhelming, depressing, and frightening problem of endless possibility.



There is no such thing as a right or wrong answer, no confines, no structure with which to guide oneself. Make a decision, and you’ll probably end up regretting it later anyway; who can think of one adult who does not constantly complain about their work? To be at the edge of the mesa of education, childhood, and safety, jumping off of the cliff into the so-called “real world”. Instead, I choose to stay at the edge, precariously hanging over; not making a decision which will lean me forward or backward. How should I figure out what to do?



Her mother peers her head out of the screen door



Mother: Michelle, did you organize all the clothing in your room?



Michelle: Not yet, Mom. I’ll do it later.



Mother: You always say you’ll do it later. Just get it done, you’ll feel better. Oh, and clean out the dishwasher, I am making dinner and I need some clean pans.



Michelle: Ok, Mom.



To the camera again

My parents are so supportive of my coming home and taking a year off to be a musician and figure out my life, but being home is the most oppressive situation I can imagine. I love my family, but it’s as if I’m in high school again, except that I sit at home all day and have nothing to do with my life.



(While unloading dishwasher) Most people I know, myself included, tend to say things like, “My life sucks”, or the ever-popular, “Fuck my life!” Even while saying these things, we all understand that we are some of the most privileged, lucky people on earth. We are part of the American intelligentsia, and while this may be mocked severely by most of Europe, it does mean that we are some of the most intellectually capable people in the world. And what am I choosing to do with this precious cranial commodity that I possess? I am performing my own music and auditioning to do theater in New York City.



My life is at a fucking standstill, and I hate every minute of it. I am paralyzed with fear of moving in any direction, for it could be wrong.





Cut to the dinner table; family is eating dinner.



Father: Michelle, you know you are really wasting your time watching those TV shows. The anime is the worst. You are wasting your life away with that.



Michelle: What’s so wrong with watching shows? They fill up my days when I have nothing to do!



Mom: Well you could be doing things like organizing the clothing in your room, or cleaning the house. If you have your space ordered, you will feel better.



Michelle: How do you know that? Nothing makes me feel better nowadays except for distracting myself with the “stupid” TV shows. That’s the only time I don’t feel overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time!



Mom: Why are you underwhelmed, you could be doing so many things.



Michelle: Like what? What can you think of that would take the entire day to accomplish and wouldn’t be wasting my life away?



Mom: You could volunteer, or get a job.



Michelle: What if it turns out that I hate working, and that I am just lazy. Maybe I’ll be one of those pathetic people who live with their parents until they're 30.



Mom: That’s just not you, Michelle.



Michelle: But how do you know that?! What if I just suck at everything, like I sucked at my internship last summer? What if I hate all forms of work and cannot make myself do it?



Mom: You had a bad boss at that internship, and you obviously got through college with a good GPA, so you are capable of doing work.



Michelle: My GPA is crap. It’s nothing like when I was in high school.



Mom: Well, yes. Because you went to an Ivy League University, you were competing with the top one per cent of college students. The fact that you did well is a testament to how smart you are.



Michelle: No. It’s all fake. I just suck. At everything. I wish I knew what I wanted in life, but everything just seems so meaningless.



Mom: You really have to stop being so dramatic, Michelle. You intended to take a year off, so stop getting upset about it. You were expecting to be in this position this year.



Michelle: I decided to take the year off because of the fact that after the first three years of college, I still had no idea of what I wanted to do with my life! I feel like nothing will change that. Maybe I just doubt myself too much. Maybe….I don’t know.



Michelle walks around her small town, stops in at a few stores, and then wanders into a new bakery

-----

Clearly I never got past the first two pages. But wow, was I ridiculous.